明けましておめでとうございます日本!

GAHHH FARTING HELL!!
STUPID EASTER!!
Why did you make Ikuto play the violin when Tadase was just about to confess his love for Amu again in the Shouting Love contest!
Dammit and just when I was fangirling and squee-ing my chair after a long day of being upset!

FARK I WAS LOOKING FORWARD TO THAT PART DAMMIT!

ちょむかつく!!

I've decided.
I'm gonna stay at home for the new year.
I would like some quiet time with my anime.
I'm gonna stay up all night and fangirl over Bleach, Naruto: Shippuden, Kyou Kara Maoh, Katekyo Hitman Reborn, Shugo Chara: Doki and write lots and lots of Laven fanfiction and a IkutoTadase one just for kicks.

Code Geas Season 3 in 2010.
Is this really for real now?

http://www.animepalm.com/news/code-geass-season-3-announced/

Before I fangirl unnecessarily again, someone tell me that this is really true.
LULU!!

I don't know what to do.
Should I go to the party and leave my sadness in 2009 and have a fresh start to 2010?
Of course I should.

But I'm in a slump.

I don't want to do anything, I don't want to go out, I just want to stay home and watch Shugo Chara: Doki, where Amu finally gets the one she's loved after a long time.
I wanna drown in other people's happy ending and forget the one I never had.

私の青春を返せ。

Time and time again I let go of things that I hold dear to me.
Because I always thought, if I truly loved someone, I'd let them decide which path they'd want to take.
I let him go three times, he came back four.
And I let him go again.
Now, as I type in darkness, I wished I didn't.
I wished I held him back and told him, "I want to make it work."
"I want to do whatever I can. I want to know more about you, I want you to know more about me."
I don't want to think that this is the end of us.
"It's okay, we can still stay friends. Hope you find a better girl."
I never tried hard enough.
I don't want this to be the end.

I may be stuck in denial, but I know that he still has feelings for me, as do I to him.
I don't want this to be the end.

Romeo didn't try hard enough, Juliet was too afraid.

Would you laugh at my pain or would you sympathize with me?

Can I have a hug please? :(

A Romeo & Juliet Tragedy

You know, you'd think after being rejected 3 times by the same guy, I would've learned. But apparently I didn't.

Today marks the fourth.

I'm envious of everyone around me. Everyone found their fairytale ending, everyone has their own happiness. Where's mine? It's not even supposed to hurt anymore after all these while, but I feel so dead. I was so happy when he told me that he finally wanted to get into a serious relationship with me. I hoped even though every single time I hope, disappointment never fails to take another stab at my heart. I waited for this day for a month and 10 days after he messaged me telling me that he wanted to get into a serious relationship with me.

I was so happy, I thought everything would finally work out. Even Shar, Manda and Hime were happy for me. Shar even congratulated me, after a long wait of nearly 3 agonizing years, filled with break ups and make ups, I was finally gonna have my happy ending.

My happy ending never came. It was a Romeo and Juliet tragedy.

I spent 3 hours dolling up today, only to spend 2 hours walking around aimlessly in Orchard. We started out great. We went Far East and ate Shaved Ice together, and he suddenly held my hand out of the blue, half way while window shopping. My heart was beating like crazy when he did that. I missed him so much.

Then everything went downhill. We didn't talk much and I realized that even though I had so many things to say, there was never a proper time to say it. I wanted to tell him so many things. I wanted to tell him about how much more loud and cheerful I've become, I wanted to tell him about my many different crushes, my super mega fail relationship, my sucky 16th birthday, the Christmas party at Sheena's, my friend's dilemma. I had so many things I wanted him to know, I wanted him to know more about me. But there was never an appropriate time to say it and enjoy every minute of explaining the details. I was afraid he would ask why in the world I was telling him the little bits of my life.

At 5, we went home. He told me at last that he didn't feel that we clicked well. We don't have anything to talk about. Like Romeo and Juliet, we live very very different lives. He's a businessman, I'm a cosplayer. He's in poly and is serious about what he does, I'm waiting for my results and I'm still playing. He's a normal nice guy, I'm a problem child. It was never meant to be. As he told me that we didn't click well, I agreed with him and put on a smile despite disappointment taking another stab at my heavy heart.

I waited, I continued to love. Even when Jun Fa, Kelly and Adele didn't like him and god knows how many more of my friends disapproved of him, I still followed my heart. Because I love him. I love him from the bottom of my heart. I love him enough to hope, I love him enough to forget my hatred and pain. Because of him, I was finally distracted from my hatred and murderous intent for people. I was so caught up in him wanting to be in a serious relationship with me that these rusted chains of hatred that bound my beating heart, broke off, bit by bit.

I was so happy. I really thought that finally...

I was so happy I went 'round telling people about it. Saying things like I'm "soon-to-be taken" etc. I was so proud and happy, I felt so lucky. Guys are rarely interested in me so I'm always excited when I get a boyfriend.

We took the same train home and I swear when I was getting off, tears were threatening to well up in my eyes. It's not supposed to hurt. And all I have now is the fading memory of our hands touching for one last time.

There will never be another start, there will never be another ending to this story again.

It was never meant to be.
We should have never loved at all.

どうしていつも・・・
もいいでしょ・・・?

I have a bruise on the back of my right hand and it's not even blue-black.
It's yellow. O_O

今日は彼とデートです!
ドキドキです!
楽しみにする!

新しい物語。

You just fucking scared me half to death.

Slitting your wrists, and making it sound like it got infected pretty bad with pus coming out and all that then proceeding to tell me that all this was done with your nails, and not with a razor blade and that it didn't bleed much?
Nails don't do shit if you want to commit suicide.
Your situation was a false alarm and you scared me shitless.

I do not appreciate being scared out of my wits, with the thought of my friend's wrist getting infected with the possibility of it developing gangrene which will lead to having her whole lower arm being amputated, at 10:30 in the fucking morning.
No, I do not appreciate it one little bit.

I'm sorry, I'm really angry now.

My first impression of Lucky Star after watching the first episode:
An anime created solely for pedophile otakus who have loli complex.

It's disturbing.

"If you're going to commit suicide, then you're mentally unsound.
If you're mentally unsound, you must see a psychiatrist.
If you refuse to see a psychiatrist, it means you're mentally sound.
If you're mentally sound, you shouldn't be doing suicide."
- Jasmine Red H. Nera

Came up with this quote while chatting with Hime on MSN.
Feel free to shoot this at people who are "suicidal" but insist on not seeing a psychiatrist.

Extracting Vocaloid vocals in Adobe Audition 3.0 is giving me a huge headache.
Recreating Vocaloid vocals for World Is Mine will give me a bigger headache so I'm not even gonna try.

P.S. - When are you ever gonna realize that I don't like you. Thanks for ruining the mood.

「抱き寄せて欲しい　確かめて欲しい
間違いなど無いんだと　思わせて
キスをして　塗り替えて欲しい　
魅惑の時に　酔いしれ溺れたい

引き寄せて　マグネットのように
例えいつか離れても巡り会う
触れていて　戻れなくていい　
それでいいの　誰よりも大切なあなた」


私大切なあなた。

Magnet
Choucho-san Cover.



Romaji Lyrics:
kabosoi higa kokoro no hashini tomoru
itsuno manika moehirogaru netsujou
watashino chou fukisokuni tobimawari
anatano teni rinpun wo tsuketa

karamiau yubi hodoite kuchibiru kara shitaeto
yurusarenai kotonaraba naosara moeagaruno

dakiyosete hoshii tashikamete hoshii
machigai nado naindato omowasete
Kiss wo shite nurikaete hoshii
miwakuno tokini yoishire oborete itaino

sokubaku shite motto hitsuyouto shite
itoshiinara shuuchakuwo misetsukete
"okashii" noga tamaranaku sukini naru
ikeru tokomade ikeba iiyo

mayoikonda kokoro nara kantanni tokete yuku
yasashisa nante kanjiru himanado nai kuraini

kurikaeshitano wa ano yume janakute
magiremo nai genjitsuno watashitachi
furetekara modorenaito shiru sorede iino...
dareyorimo taisetsuna anata

yoakega kuruto fuande naite shimau watashini
"daijoubu" to sasayaita anatamo naite itano?

dakiyosete hoshii tashikamete hoshii
machigai nado naindato omowasete
Kiss wo shite nurikaete hoshii
miwakuno tokini yoishire oboretai

hikiyosete Magnet no youni
tatoe itsuka hanaretemo meguriau
fureteite modorenakute ii
sorede iino dareyorimo taisetsuna anata

English Lyrics:
A slender flame burns at the edge of my heart
Without warning, it spreads into a burning passion
My butterfly, flitting around it chaotically
Scales dropping into your hand

I am wrapped around your finger from the lips to the tongue
Even if this is something that cannot be allowed the flames jump higher still

I want to embrace you, I want you to tell me
That you don't think this is a mistake
I want you to kiss me, I want you to remake me
I want to drown in this moment of captivation

Every moment, it's harder to restrain myself
If this is love, I want to wear it on my sleeve
The "strange feeling" turns into an unbearable longing
I would follow you to the end of forever

If my heart goes astray I will be easily relieved
as if we had no time to feel tender each other

That dream has never come again
There is no chance in our reality
If we touch, I know we can never go back and that's just fine...
You are everything in the world to me

Anxiety arrives with the dawn to find me still crying
When you whispered "it's all right" did I hear tears in your voice, too?

I want to embrace you, I want you to tell me
That you don't think this is a mistake
I want you to kiss me, I want you to remake me
I want to drown in this moment of captivation

I am drawn to you like a magnet
Even if I left, we would find each other again
I've touched you, I can never go back and that's just fine.
You are everything in the world to me

I showed him my homemade photoshoots of my hime gyaru look and the first thing he said after "Wah, I'm shocked." was "You gained weight."

Fuck My Life.

I have quite a lot to update on.

Day 1, 24th December 2009, afternoon.
I went out with Amanda to shop for Hime gyaru-ish dresses to be used for eoy.

Day 1, 24th December 2009, evening.
Was the last to arrive at Sheena's party.

Day 2, 25th December 2009, morning.
oh. em. gee.

Day 2, 25th December 2009, evening.
Went shopping with Dad and bought stuff for eoy.

Day 3, 26th December 2009.
EOY. First Hime Gyaru debut.

Day 4, 27th December 2009.
Went over to Hime's and mapped out our cosplay plan for 2010.

I'll elaborate on these soon.

Nothing is the same anymore.
You people don't even give a shit anymore.

But...
Could this be my fault for being honest with my heart?

I can lie, I can hide, I can put on a mask.
But I can never lie to my heart.

EOY EOY EOY EOY EOY EOY EYO EYOEYOEYOOEYOYOE
HIME GYARU FIRST DEBUT!

I'll update on all these when I'm finally free.

Merry Christmas & A Happy New Year!

Party at Sheena's was teh awesomz.
And yes, he is fine. <3

OH FUCK I JUST BROKE THE CHRISTMAS PRESENT!!

This is an utter and complete insult to talk show hostesses all around the world.
http://takiyumi-talkshow.blogspot.com/

Apologies, as a talk show hostess myself, I abhor people who makes a joke out of things like that.

Sorry Dad.
You're living above ground, I'm from down under.
We have different ways of doing things.

And a friend once told me,
"Sometimes, a kid needs to knock his own head on the wall before he knows it's painful."

I'm just 16, Dad.
Don't protect me, let me experience the harshness of life.
I want to learn the hard way so I'll never forget.

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA
wtf.

Bitch, how stupid do you think we are?
You were completely in the wrong this time.
So why can't you admit your mistake?

Habbo.

Habbo.

Habbo. Habbo. Habbo.

It's so nostalgic. I used to play Habbo back in 2006, during the Great Habbo Raid. Back then, I was playing in the HabboUSA 'cause HabboSG didn't have as much people and the English sucked like hell so I was frustrated. With Habbo, I've gone through almost everything that came with the package. I got scammed, I bought $49.50 worth of credits, I bought HC twice, I've been through the raid, in fact I was one of the peeps that got pissed off at the pool for having STINGRAIDS and even made a fashion statement [People started copying what I wore and it pissed me off.]. And recently, I started playing habbo again and I scammed someone for the first time.

My biggest regret was buying credits instead of scamming people, and then quitting habbo and giving all my furni to my friend and not knowing 4chan, the absolute asshole of the internet, and joining in the Great Habbo Raid. It would've been so fun scamming people, the thrill [I'm a good girl, I've never scammed people before so my first time is like WOOSH!], and pissing off those racist, useless mods back in the day.

Habbo's pretty much almost scam-proof now but I still managed to scam someone. It's a pretty cool and classic trick I saw on youtube. You create an account name similar to that of the owner that's hosting a FF game for example. When outside people say they wanna play, or when the inside people say they wanna pay to stay, you trade them and one of the people outside actually gave me an Xmas Flower. I took it and ran off. I was laughing my butt off at the sheer stupidity of the person and how easy it was. But I felt bad later on 'cause the owner was like, "OMG there's another [Habbo name] outside!" and she added me. Naive, and innocent. So I never used that account again. Until today.

Manisha was bored so she asked me if I wanted to annoy people in Habbo. So we did the classics first, we went to this FF room and started trading people, disrupting their game. It wasn't as fun 'cause we were found out real quick, we were kicked out and we went back in again and I annoyed the owner by trading him/her. I got banned from the room.

We went to various places in Habbo, just fooling around. We went to the Star Lounge and we began requesting Mauve, the Habbo Bot, for various things that were not on the Habbo menu. Like chicken pie, apple tart, tampons and raging at her for not knowing what a tampon is. We finally settled at this "New to Habbo" place and pretended to be boys.

So we sat down with this girl at this table and we started talking about random things that I can't remember. Then a coupla other girls came over and wanted some attention too. And all of a sudden, we were talking about religion. The other girls that came over were Catholics/Christians so they tried to shove their beliefs down our throats. I couldn't get much screen shots 'cause it was too fast.



Please direct your attention to the highlighted words. This girl was just so wtf in every way. So we [Yes, Manisha is cowlick and I am vanessa,hudgen. That was the username I used to scam.] were like, "How dare you think of yourself as more than an animal." and stuff like "LOLcats are the most superior animals on this earth!" etc.



And then the girl started talking about how god created the sky, the universe blah blah blah. And we retorted. And random people kept sitting at our table. We were like the coolest people in the room. Well pretty much 'cause I'm "Brazilian + 1/3 American" and Manisha's from London.



And then the chicks left and JESUS ARRIVED AT OUR TABLE ZOMGG! There is an effect thing that you can buy in Habbo with pixels which enables you to look ghost like. We thought this was pretty random and pretty cool.



And then I was being stupid.



And I don't know why but Manisha wanted me to take a screen shot so I did.


It was pretty cool. It was completely random, the girl was a horny bitch and we were pretty much the center of attention.

Oh and I found out something cool. I created tons of accounts back in '06 and '07 and they proved to be plenty useful today. All the free furni I got from being a 2-3 year member was pretty awesome. I checked my USA one too, I got some pretty cool furni in there.

I am so not buying creds anymore. But I do like their cards.

What the fucking fuck.
I introduced the door-to-door job to my friend 'cause she wanted a short-term job.
She worked today from 1pm to 9.30pm.
A total of 7+ hours, not including dinner.
How much she earned today?
$15.60.

WHAT THE FUCKING HELL?

Jesus christ.

I have a dream.
I want to be on that runway, modeling for Christian Dior, D&G, Gucci, Prada and the many other beautiful high couture fashion of many other designers.
The minimum height and weight of a model is 5ft8 and 108-125lbs.

I'm 5ft7, and 125lbs.
Ain't getting any taller, ain't getting any thinner.

But I have a dream.
And one day...

I Don't Like People Who Give Out My Friend's Number + Prepaid Number To Random Strangers On HABBO. :)
And I have a fairly good idea of who you are.

Must I wait another year, before we can be together?
I can't move forward, I can't forget, I can't do anything but wait.
How long more will you make me wait?

I just found a cosidol Kipi impersonator on facebook.
Really, how pathetic are you to upload pictures of other beautiful people and claim to be that person?
It's disgusting.

Why do you let me down, time and time again?
Should I continue to wait?

Thank you Jun Fa, Adele, Li Yang and Kelly for the little surprise just now. :)

I had but only one wish.
You didn't grant this wish for me.

I received 2 presents, and love from only my half-sister.
I did not wished for gifts, nor your time because I knew how busy you were.
I asked for nothing, not your love, nor for your commitment to me.
All I wanted was for you to wish me a happy birthday from the bottom of your heart.

And even so, even when that was all I ever wanted for 3 whole years, for you to just wish me a happy birthday, just once in these 3 years, you didn't.
Had I not told you my birthday was over 45 minutes ago, you would've probably forgotten and never wished me at all.

No matter how hurt I've been before, the deepest cut always comes from you.
I'm disappointed.

I have but only one wish.
Would you grant this wish for me?

I have received no presents, nor love from my family.
I do not wish for presents, nor did I wish for your time.
I ask for nothing, not your love, nor for us to be together.
But for just one little phrase from you from the bottom of your heart.

Would you grant me, my only wish?

感謝

[Please read this post first.]

Today, is my birthday. Today, is my day. But today, I'm changing it and making it your day.

The kanji characters in the title is Japanese for gratitude, "Kansha" in romaji. [I refuse to accept it as Chinese characters, "Gan Xie" in han yu pin ying.] And that is what this post will be about today. I want to show my gratitude in words because that's the only thing I have.



I am eternally thankful for your existence, Manisha.
You remain the most amazing person I have ever ever ever met in all my 16 years on this Earth. Your retardedtry never fails to make me laugh with excitement, like our plan to run madly and illegally into the departure hall to find your true love and like the times we prank called random people and asked them where McDonald's was and if they found your missing pet dog and like the time when we wrote fake but believeable posts about a random party at Alex's with Shane and Gaspard just to lie to Mervyn. You are beautiful, talented, supermodelesque, and simply amazing. You're eccentric too but hey, all geniuses are quirky. I love you so much and you know you'll always have my back. If we ever get hauled off to jail 'cause of the whole running illegally into the departure hall thing, I'll be there beside you in the cell.

I am thankful for knowing you, for giving my heart to you, and I'll never regret it.
I am thankful that you are, of all people, my first real love. When we first held hands, when we first kissed, when we first cuddled together, I loved them all. And I know, that you don't love me the way I love you, but it doesn't matter. Just know that, I always have loved only you. And if you would grant me just one wish, just one simple wish, I would be eternally content. I do not ask for your love, I do not ask for us to be together but just one small phrase from you, one tiny little phrase from the bottom of your heart, and I'll be content. Will you grant me this wish?


-- From here on, it'll be by alphabetical order. --


I am thankful for the fun times we had together, Adele, you uneven boobs person.
ECP was wild and fun, cycling with 19 people was awesome and overnight-ing at the airport was just wow. I'm really thankful for all these. And hello, stop seducing my Sexy Honey Husband.

I am thankful for knowing you, Amanda.
I'm glad we stayed friends even after so long of not talking to each other.

I am thankful for being your brother, Chai Howe, you horny bush.
Thanks for hearing me out sometimes. Even though you are very horny, extremely horny, unbelievably horny, we'll always be brothers.

I am thankful for knowing you, Chor May.
You're a wonderful person, inside out. I'm really happy to be your friend.

I am thankful for your existence, Cristina.
You were the big sister that I never had but always wanted, I'm glad we are half-blood related. It means so much to me to have a sister like you.

I am thankful for knowing you, Equuleuscia.
I liked our heart-to-heart talks from before. I am grateful that you were concerned when I went "missing".

I am thankful for knowing you, Jenisha.
Thank you for asking me out today even though it was so short notice.

I am thankful for knowing you, Jia Ying, you perverted small mushroom.
Like Wenny once said, "So small yet so powerful."

I am thankful for know you, Jian Ping.
I thank you for taking your time off your busy work schedule to be the team's photographer. It is much appreciated.

I am thankful for being your brother, Jordan aka Anime Buddy.
I'm really thankful for the awesome times we had at the back of the class, talking about rated stuff and corrupting others while you were doing your Chinese homework and our staple bullet fights and you always bullying Samuel and the paper aeroplane homework. Those were amazing and unforgettable times. Stop bankai-ing and growing taller, let me bankai and catch up!

I am thankful for knowing you, Jun Fa, my Sexy Honey Husband.
I'm glad for the times we spent as buddies, and am also glad that you never freaked out after I almost raped you during the Chalet.

I am thankful for knowing you, Kelly.
Really happy that you weren't mad even though I'm always late and rescheduling things.

I am thankful for knowing you, Li Yang aka Beautiful Goat.
You've been an awesome friend even though whenever you see me, you never hesitate to call me bitch. But you've been a great buddy to me.

I am thankful for being your best friend, Muna.
I miss you so much, I miss the times when we shared everything. Our gossips, our darkest secrets, everything. I miss the times when we were at the back of the class, high-ing with Jordan over rated stuff.

I am thankful for knowing you, Pei Ting.
We had our ups and downs, but I'm glad we're talking again. The times we had were fun and unforgettable.

I am thankful for knowing you, Rei.
Even though, we didn't work out and a lot happened, I am thankful for the long hours we were on the phone just randomly talking about stuff. You are the first person that I feel comfortable talking for long hours over the phone.

I am thankful for knowing you, Ruru.
I loved how we used to freak out over butlers and stuff on facebook.

I am thankful for knowing you, Sharlyn.
I'm glad we stayed friends even after so long of not talking to each other too.

I am thankful for knowing you, Sheena, you big-boobed banana.
I love the outings we had together. They were loads of fun.

I am thankful for knowing you, Stessen.
I am happy for the times you took time off to talk to me despite your busy schedule with school assignments.

I am thankful for knowing you, Su Jun.
You can have Shananay but Shane is my love!

I am thankful for knowing you, Suzume.
If I never knew you, I don't know how I'm able to come up with so many ideas for photoshoots and try to put them into action. It's because you're here that's why I dared to contribute some ideas. I don't know why, but that's just how it is.

I am thankful for knowing you, Tesun.
I'm very happy to have known you and the time you were my knight in shining armor who saved us both from a non-serious crossdressing pervert.

I am thankful for knowing you, Twinkle.
BANKAI! Thanks for being my friend and Anime buddy.

I am thankful for knowing you, Wani.
You're a wonderful person too and I'm glad to be your friend.

I am thankful for knowing you, Wenny, you featureless shorty.
SHORTY! :D I'm happy that you're my friend.

I am thankful for knowing you, Xiu Rong, aka Stevie.
Ah Pok, I'm happy that you're my friend.

I am thankful for knowing you, Zhe Ming.
You're a horny vegetable but I'm still happy to be your friend.

I am thankful for knowing you, ZR.
I'm happy that you were concerned for me and you were always the first one to ask me what was wrong when I was down, even though I always replied that I was fine. I'm thankful for your concern and glad that you still remained my friend even though I gave you a lot of shit in the past.

And to everyone else that wasn't mention, I haven't forgotten about you. As long as we've talked, as long as you've read my blog even once, I am thankful for knowing you. I am thankful that you read my blog, that you hear what I have to say. I am thankful if you love Red's Talk Shows, I am thankful if you like my random fangirl essays. I am thankful for your existence.

I love you all.

If you're reading this, I love you, even if I don't know you, even if we rarely talk, I love you. To all who are feeling down and who didn't feel loved, like how I felt today, I'm here to say, I love you. And I hope that little phrase will be enough to cheer you up.

Not-So-Sweet 16.

Well, today was really just another normal day. Sort of.

I was so upset [Yeah, I truly was.] last night that I cried. Because I realized that I wasn't important enough to a lot of people. Even my own family never wished me a Happy Sweet 16th. I stopped after a while, then started crying again when people started talking to me. When Stessen called, I tried to pretend, but throughout the whole conversation, my eyes were leaking.

Oh my god, I'm so pathetic.

So I went to bed at 3am after reading other people's FML on FML and yes, I cried myself to sleep. Jesus, I've been crying a lot this year. I woke up at 11 and really didn't want to get out of bed. So for the whole of today, I just sat on my bed, drinking Whiskey on an empty stomach like the sad pathetic loser I was. And I threw up. 4 times.

I threw up and then I went back to bed. I skipped work today and told Kelly I'll make up for it on Friday. And there is a limit to being insensitive. Dad came home and never wished me a happy birthday, gave me a face and asked me why I was so moody. He dared ask me why I was so moody. Get a freaking clue.

But I was happy that my big sister did wish me a happy birthday. Even though she wasn't my immediate family. And I came here to see my tagboard spammed by a very retarded model-to-be. It was the first time today that I actually laughed.

So I wanna say something. But in the next post.

Next year, I'll throw a big party and invite everyone. I don't want another repeat of this intense disappointment so I'm gonna throw a huge birthday party. I'll make my own happiness.

Thank you for all the wishes. :)
I really appreciate it.

Ah, now, I can expect nothing but disappointment.

Fly away, far far away, to a place where you'll be loved.

Job. [Part 3]

I think I was cheated.

Yesterday was my last day as a hotel banquet waitress.

1. I went to change in the guest toilet 'cause I wanted to take a picture of myself in the uniform. Unfortunately, I was caught and I couldn't take the picture.
2. Reported for work and all tables today were all CEO, businessmen + wives people. Ergo, all tables were VIP tables. The bride was also very particular about services.
3. I was then told by a fellow same-company member that I've been cheated of my services. Apparently, Mr. X, always delays or never pay his workers.
4. The people yesterday were cold. I didn't like it so I couldn't serve them like how I did the day before.
5. Then I messed up at the Shark Fins part. I didn't put the Shark Fin inside and served the soup just like that.
6. I nearly spilled glasses of Red Wine by bumping into another waitress.
7. Then it ended and I decided to take a cab home because I was dead tired and my lazy Dad didn't want to drive me home.
8. The taxi queue was freaking long. Didn't help that my soles were sore as hell.
9. Finally went home and Dad payed for the cab fare and giving me a lot of shit about how my pay was earned by the driver. I daren't tell him that I might've been cheated.
10. Went to bed and the same thing happened. I tossed and turned because my soles hurt and with the help of music, I finally went to sleep.

I have never experienced any physical hardship in all my 16 years on this earth. I was pampered, I was spoiled, I was my Dad's little girl. I never had to work hard for anything. The only hardships I've endured is the ever tiring pain in my heart and soul. The very first job I've ever found on my own, the very first time I've worked so hard for anything, the very first venture I did after deciding to be independent, and I find out that I might've been cheated of my services. I find out that I might not be paid and that these hell-ish 3 days I've endured might be all for nothing.

That happens to me a lot, doesn't it. Working so hard for absolutely nothing. Giving my all for absolutely nothing. Suffering for absolutely nothing.

I knew reality was always bitter, that life was never a bed of roses, but I am naive, I still act like a easily pleased child even after 16 years. I was so happy I got a job independently, I was so happy that I didn't care, I worked hard. Why am I always disappointed. I didn't even expect much this time. I JUST EXPECTED TO BE PAID FOR MY SERVICES! And to be told that I might never be paid...

Can I sue this person if I don't get paid? Manisha, you want to take law, do you know under which section, under which paragraph am I given a right to sue this man should he not give me my $100 of which I rightfully earned?

I am afterall, a pampered, spoiled girl.

I do not like Jason Derulo.
His version of Whatcha Say is catchy but he is a complete douche.
Even though Imogen Heap did give him permission, he should've given credit where credit is due.
But no, the douchebag didn't and now more than half the human population thinks the song is great and that it's completely original and completely his.
Jesus christ, wake up.

You know, the first time I heard this song, and as much of a RnB fan as I am, I just couldn't seem to like it.
Even more so now because I am very particular about credits.

Eminem's song "Stan" was credited to Dido in the title for her parts of the song.
So why can't Jason do the same?

Complete and utter twat.

I wonder if anyone remembers.

I am not fucking interested in guys who randomly add me on Facebook.
I am not interested in Singaporean guys in general.
I dislike your kind.

Stop pestering me.

- - -

助け平!

Job. [Part 2]

I screwed up.

I'll keep this short and sweet 'cause my arms are hurting way too much.

1. Last night I arrived home at 2. I was meeting Kelly at 12 'cause her friend wanted to go out. So I didn't get enough rest.
2. I saw him at the coffee shop near school. He was having lunch with a bunch of girls. I walked past with dignity and confidence and with a smile on my face, but that's all to cover up my furiously beating heart. I asked Kelly if he saw me. She said no. I was sad.
3. I wore heels so my feet started hurting after 3 hours.
4. I was a little pissed off that I was dragged out of my bed to do absolutely nothing at Compass Point with her friend.
5. Then we went to Spinelli to see my Sexy Honey at work. Sexy Honey was really handsome when he was working. (❤3❤)d
6. I left at 5 and said my goodbyes. I was waving to Sexy Honey, behind Tony [Their branch's manager] and Tony said bye bye to me. It was kinda awkward.
7. I tried on a different uniform and this time, I didn't look so hag-ish. I was happy.
8. I was assigned to the back tables with a regular, who was from China. He said that I looked like I had a lot of experience. It made me happy.
9. I was doing fine until I spilled Red Wine all over a guest. I apologized profusely and never served that table ever again. And of course, I was reprimanded. That made me very sad.
10. However, the table that I waited on, the guests praised me. They said my service was very good and they even joked with me. Asking for Chin Chow water when it's so obviously not available, to which I even responded "Okay, please hold on a moment." They were really nice people and they even said I was beautiful. Their exact words were, "Let the beautiful waitress Jasmine pour you a glass of Whiskey." It cheered me up.
--- To be very honest, I am very easy to please in real life. It's not hard to make me smile. Kiddy concept does apply here. ---
11. I stayed on even though I was on the verge of collapsing at 11pm. I set the tables and cleaned their Menu covers. Once I sat down, I couldn't stand up again.
12. P-i-C person was very random again, saying "I love you, Jasmine." out of the blue.
13. Then they sent us home via cab. Reached home at 3.
14. I tossed and turned at night for an hour because the soles of my feet were hurting like hell. I'm serious, they were burning, aching, and all that. I couldn't sleep because of that.
15. I finally slept at 4am in the morning.

Ah, day 2. It sucked that I spilled drinks, but it was kinda nice that I was praised. I'm just really glad P-i-C person wasn't really mad at me.

What really bothers me right now is that I can't stop loving him even though I knew he was never serious from the start. Even though it's so blatantly obvious that I don't hold any place in his heart, even though I know he doesn't love me, I just can't stop loving him. I don't want to love him anymore. If he wasn't serious, at least give me a proper response. Tell it to me straight, don't lead me on. Don't make me think that you still want to be with me, don't make me fall back in love with you. Cut it off, nicely and cleanly. Don't tell me to "just move on with life first" and that you're busy with school. It's leading me on, making me hold on to some hope that we could be together again. It's painful really. Really painful.

I am the biggest idiot for loving you.

Job.

Yesterday was very stupid.

I looked like an old hag, I looked stupid wearing men's shoes 'cause my fucking feet is big, my skirt was too long and I messed up.

Long story short:

First, I couldn't find the backdoor for staffs. So I was walking around like an idiot.
Second, I couldn't find the banquet office. But 2 kind souls helped me and even got me a uniform.
--- Then I met this guy, who's called Moo, pronounced Mo, for some reason. And he was new and nice. ---
Third, I was assigned, on my first day, to wait on a VIP table. Fuck.
Fourth, I was asked to serve drinks to the guests outside. I had no idea carrying six glasses of drinks on a platter/tray or whatever would be so freaking heavy. I can't move my arms much now.
Fifth, my person-in-charge person caught my nails, which were changed to French Tips btw, and he told me he didn't want to see them again. Now I have to cut them. Shit, do you have any idea how long I was waiting for them to grow?
Sixth, the guests came in and I worked hard. And I spilled a glass of champagne. More accurately, the guests knocked into me and I spilled champagne all over right sleeve. But at least the guests were safe.
Seventh, I wasn't doing my job properly and the person-in-charge person came and pretty much taught me how to do things in a very stern manner.
Eighth, I had to stand for 5 hours with sore and overly-strained muscles which were not well yet.
--- Then the person-in-charge person suddenly walked up to me and asked me when I was getting married. Our banquet was a wedding of an Australian man with a beautiful Indian lady. P-i-C person was very random and caught me off-guard. ---
Nineth, I stood a while longer and finally, at 11.30pm, it was freedom.

So I went over to Spinelli with Adeline and friend to wait for Kelly. Her colleague was nice enough to make me a drink even though they were closed. He also commented that I was pretty but featureless/figureless. But in my defense, my clothes were shitty looking at that point in time. But I do appreciate the drink.

And now, I have to go because I'm meeting Kelly for lunch at 12 and await another tiring day as a Hotel Banquet Waitress. But then again, I guess it's alright. It sounds so posh whenever I say that. Hotel Banquet Waitress. And I get to train my flabby arms.

I hate this!
I hate this!
I hate this!

My uniform has gone terribly wrong, I look like an old hag!
My ugly shoes make me look even more like an old hag!

I DON'T WANT A FUCKING JOB!

I can't seem to let go.
I can't seem to stop waiting.
I love him.
I really really do love him.

But does he love me?

It's probably prohibited for a waitress to have colored nails, isn't it...
That's a little bit depressing.

I don't like finding a job here.
I have to be able to speak in Chinese.
I don't know how to speak in Chinese with strangers.
I want to move.
To the States, to the UK, to Canada, to Australia, to anywhere English.
Far, far, far away from the Chinese.

モデルになりたい!

Do you believe I'll go far in life?
Do you believe we'll go far in life?
Do you look down on us?

Continue doing so.

'Cause I have a burning desire to prove you wrong.

My god what am I going to do?
My legs still aren't better yet!
I've got an interview today and I'm going job hunting.
And tomorrow is my job.
And I still haven't learned aMa no Jaku.
Gah.
Stupid door-to-door sales.

Waha!
I kinda love my kitchen.
I have snacks hidden everywhere!
Kinda feels like a treasure hunt every time I get hungry.

- - -

Are you sure Toradora is nice?
I'm past 5 episodes and I'm getting really bored.
Any good animes to recommend anyone?
Somewhere along the lines of Special A's genre would be nice.

- - -

MY LEGS ARE NOT GETTING ANY BETTER.

Ah.
I think my job as a Hotel Banquet Waitress is a permanent one.
They said my first pay will be given out on the 15th of January.
OTL

I HAVE TO WAIT THAT LONG???

Shit.
How the heck am I supposed to buy Christmas presents now!
Dammit, I don't get allowance during the holidays and I don't wanna ask! 'Cause I feel bad.

More importantly, will I be alright this Friday?
My strained muscles have yet to get better.
I walk funny!
Also, will they allow me to keep my nails?
I really do love them.
And where am I gonna get my attire at such short notice!

GAH!
*Explodes*

I can't stop watching Special A.
It's too damn good.
It's like Shugo Chara [Without the special egg powers] and Ouran High School Host Club mashed together.
So awesome!
And Takishima Kei's seiyuu is the same person who voiced Lelouch Vi Britannia!
LULU!

Is it bad that I just applied for a job as a Roadshow Model/Promoter?
I had no clue, until googling it up, that it's just pretty girls with toned bodies in racy clothing.
It's not like I'm the one minding it or anything 'cause I'm open-minded about these things and if I were to go into modeling, like for real, there would be times where I have to pose nude.
But it's more of, I mind what you all will think of me.

But hey, it's not like I got the job yet.

Do you think I'll get the job?

Job #2: Hotel Banquet Waitress!

抱きしめたい・・・
キスめたい・・・

I need to sort out what I need to do now.

Find a job.
Get fit. [Don't laugh!]
Clean my room.
Learn aMa no Jaku dance & song part.
Finish learning SNSD - Genie choreography.
Continue writing fanfiction and post them on fanfict.net one day.
Continue writing Red's Talk Shows.
Finish my FFS profile page.
Write letters to Shane Dawson.

And that's all I have for now.
God my legs are so sore.

My legs hurt when I stand.
They hurt when I walk.
I'm so weak.
OTL

- - -

I apologize for being a freak.

Abnormality.

Please please please don't judge me.



I am quite positive right now that I do indeed have Bipolar Disorder.

I was suddenly researching on Bipolar Disorder [Yes, I actually do research on these things.], and everything about myself finally made sense. The pieces of this distorted puzzle actually fit now and I can finally see the big picture; "BIPOLAR" scribbled on blood-stained walls with the black-me on the left and the white-me on the right.

It all finally makes sense now. My sudden emotional phase a little while back, my sudden temper and insecurity, paranoia and loneliness. It makes complete sense now. Do you not find it scary how I switch from murderous rage to absolute despair to indifference then to excitement and enthusiasm very quickly? Honestly, I'm afraid. I'm afraid of myself, the chemical imbalances in my brain. Right now, as per stated in Wikipedia, I am in my Hypomanic Episode where I'm pretty much normal. To me, it is my normal stage. To you, it may just seem like another mood swing.

I'm scared. My moods were never this intense and severe before this year. Sure, I got mad at little stuffs, sure, I cried, but back then I was perfectly normal. It's not the same now and I know it. One of my abilities is that I have a strong awareness of myself. It does sound conceited and all but this ability has really come in real handy at times. It probably saved my life. Literally.

You all might know that something happened to me this year during the month of October which led to me being absent from school for quite some time. You all also probably know roughly of what happened to me, the whole suicidal thing. If I hadn't sought for help while I was still holding on to that little amount of sanity I had left, I honestly probably won't be here today.

And apparently, all that happened in the months of August, September and October didn't end with me in abysmal despair filled with suicidal thoughts. Tonight, I stand corrected. It didn't end there. It has affected me psychologically. Big time. Bipolar Disorder was never anything to me until today. I knew I suffered from paranoia and stuff but never bipolar.

What have you done to me? Sucks doesn't it, that you're the trigger-factor for all my current pain.

But I do know one thing. All these only surface when I'm alone. It doesn't happen when I'm with friends because the sheer happiness and pure innocence I feel when I'm with them, takes over completely. And now, I still wait. For that someone to save me from myself. I can't fix myself on my own. I'm still waiting for that someone to replace these memories. If these memories are never replaced, I'll never move forward. It's funny how complicated and pathetically fragile I am. And because of this, apparently, I'm good study material for my counselor. It's been twice already since she taped our sessions for her studies.

I hope you didn't judge me after reading all of this. I apologize if you now think I'm a freak and that you no longer want to get close to me.

But even so, I cannot not accept that this is me.

^^v
No rhinestones this time 'cause I ran out of those little silver/transparent ones.
Icy blue, me liek.
Even though I am not a fan of blue.

Goddamn my legs are aching like hell.
But I'm almost done with my nails.
我慢で!

Sucked.

Today was a completely absolute waste of my time and energy. I should've gone pooling with Delly, Joan and Jerry. Damn.

I took a bus from Serangoon North all the way down to Marine Parade only to find that my job is not similar to a pushcart kind of stall but a door-to-door sales.

What. The. Fuck.

Jesus man, why the hell did you think I quit selling Wall's Ice Cream door-to-door a few years back. But I still did give it a shot. I sold only 6 keychains out of 20. In 3 hours. It totally sucked ass. And the keychains weren't even cute. And in that 3 hours, I was suffering, dying of thirst and hunger. I hadn't had my lunch yet 'cause I rushed out and I was too shy to tell the guy, which was a polytechnic student btw, that I was thirsty and hungry. So I tolerated.

And then Stessen suddenly messaged me and asked me if I wanted to go get a drink. Of course I jumped on his offer. So I made up some lame excuse about my parents wanting me to go for dinner at some restaurant in Red Hill which is like at the other end of where I was. Then I rushed off to meet Stessen.

We chatted for a while and I found it really weird 'cause the past few days, I was dying to have someone to talk to and when I finally have someone to talk to, I have absolutely nothing I needed to talk about 'cause I was over my emotional stage and have come to terms with things or they already sorted themselves out. So we end up bullshitting and laughing a lot.

But it was really nice to have someone to talk to.

Oh and I bought blue nail polish today. Gonna paint my nails gradient blue now 'cause the reds dropped off. Pictures later, maybe.

My legs are freaking aching now. Goddammit. I hate door-to-door sales.

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• Mood: Tired

Pandora Hearts Special!
Huuuge fanservice!
❤

I'm gonna start cosplaying next year, Cosfest.
I won't make it this year for EOY, and probably won't make it for SOYB 'cause I have no idea what I wanna cosplay as first.
Probably gonna do Will of the Abyss aka White Alice or B-Rabbit, aka Black Alice.
But Break is so awesome too~

Damn.

Omg.
Need OzxGil/GilxOz yaoi now.
Why do they not have yaoi doujinshis yet!
How can they not have yaoi doujinshis yet!
I mean for god's sake, Gil 10 years ago is so rapeable and Gil 10 years later is so semetastic!
Oz works both ways, both ukelicious and semetastic at the same time.

...I am such a pervert.
OTL

ooOOooOOoo!
Pandora Hearts was good.
I love it.
But then again, I love anything that's from the Victorian Era.

Does anyone know how to get to Marine Parade from AMK?
I get the feeling I'll be terribly terribly lost tomorrow when I go for my job. :(
And you know, frankly, I didn't wanna get a job.
I wanted to stay home and just relax and watch anime etc.
I just wanted to play.
But my parents were being extremely noisy about it.

もっと遊び隊!

OH. MY. GOD.
I think I just got a job!
Finally, no more penniless days??

Old question, but do you think there'll be a season 3 for Code Geass?
I wished there will be.
I don't want to be kept in suspense whether Lelouch is really dead or not.

I don't know if it's real but one of the members on OS posted on the chatbox:
"Hurrah for them making a new Code Geass series though. Looking forward to that and what it will be"
Hmm.

What say you?

The party at my void deck is freaking loud.
Seriously, when you're 21, you shouldn't be partying with the little kids at the void deck.
That's pathetic.
You should be going to clubs and pubs and hitting on underage girls and knocking them up.

Tsk.

You know, I'm actually almost done with my FFS profile but then I got distracted.
Again.
So for the whole of today I've been watching Pandora Hearts.
And wow I found new characters to cosplay.

I haven't been catching up with my animes lately.
I've yet to watch tons of BLEACH, Naruto: Shippuden, and Katekyo Hitman Reborn episodes.
I've yet to finish Ergo Proxy, Kyo Kara Maoh, 07-Ghost, and so many more.

I need an Anime Week.

Kuroshitsuji OVA.
Oh my kami.

How many times do you want to make me fall in love with you, Ciel!
My heart went *kyun* when Ciel played Hamlet.

「生きるべきか死ぬべきか、それが問題だ。」

I think I do have Shota complex.
I do love Ciel Phantomhive, and Histugaya-taichou, and Allen Walker, and Edward Elric, and Useless Tsuna, and Wolfram, and Otani, and Shin, and Naruto, and Sasuke, and Shikamaru, and Neji, and Gaara, and Sai, and Asakura Yoh & Hao, and Tao Ren, and Horo Horo, and Lyserg Diethel. [Props to you if you recognize every single name and the anime they're from.]
And when I went to TPrawks, I saw his cute chibi IT boy and it was instant love.

Oh my god, I'm such a pervert.
It's like I have a fetish for little boys.

...Wow that sounds so wrong.

But in my defense, it's anime boys.
Okay, no, not really.
I'll shut up now.

Oh, I've been so selfish.
He's been busy lately and I took it the wrong way.

Ah well, moving on with life.
I won't wait for this chance anymore.
But he'll always have a place in my heart.

I feel so much more at ease now that I'm no longer tied down.

Wowow.
I wanna make a cosplay PV of that!
I will make a cosplay PV of that!

EDITED

So kick ass.
I might cosplay this in future.
It's a pretty simple costume and Miku doesn't have much of a chest and neither do I.
And my height wouldn't matter 'cause she has long legs and arms in the PV.
Now, I just need to tone up my body.

- - -

I correct myself, the character is not Hatsune Miku.
Black★Rock Shooter is an anime coming out in Spring 2010.



Squee!
I can't wait for it to come out.
The main character looks kick ass.

Question: Do I act more like a boy or a girl?

Tonight, I will sleep.
Tomorrow, I will forget.

Tonight, I will cry one last time.
Tomorrow, you will no longer matter.

I'm letting go.
My unrequited love.
I don't want to and it hurts, but I will.

No more.

黒い涙

This just hit me, but it's the 15th day today.
15 days since he last messaged.
And what the fuck am I doing?
I keep telling myself, "He's playing, definitely playing," but deep down I'm still holding on to some hope.
You see, this is why I never liked to hope.

He never liked me being emo and depressed.
I don't like it too.
But right now, I'm not given a chance to change this.

미안 마음아...

I'm lovesick.
And sick of love.

I've been forgotten.

Please stop complaining that my posts are too long with no pictures and shit.
If you don't like my long posts, you're very welcomed to leave my page.
I don't need you to read my blog every single day then proceed to complain to me about how long my posts are and say, "Read already, eyes pain."
I don't need you around if that's what you feel.
One less reader makes no difference 'cause guess what, I am not an attention-whore.

Love.

It's stupid, how I'm feeling right now.

Your first love is always the hardest to forget. It's so stupid, but it's so depressingly true.

You know, this is so pathetic, but I feel so lonely right now. Yeah, I know I got my babes and my brothers. I'm not lonely in that sense. My heart is lonely. Pathetic right. I really want a boyfriend right now. Wow, majorly pathetic. I feel so lonely, tears are even rolling down my cheeks right now, like what the hell. Oh, shut up, let me write whatever the hell I want. It's my blog.

I've cried over many things, my pet dying, getting scolded by my parents, getting scolded by teachers, over boys, over broken friendships, I've cried when I'm feeling depressed. But I've never ever cried because I'm alone. Not till tonight. It's really stupid and pathetic how fragile I am. Perhaps I'm crying not just because of my loneliness and singlehood but because of 3 other things.

I'm in a confession mood right now.

It's normal for girls to have crushes on guys right? I had 2 rather big crushes on 2 people and they're in love with people who were once close to me. It makes me feel pretty shitty about myself 'cause I feel like, "Am I not pretty enough?", "Am I not girly enough?", "Am I too weird?" or "Is it because I'm too troublesome that's why no guy takes me seriously or gives me a second thought?" And it makes me feel like I'm the bad example to help them realize what kind of cool people I'm friends with. Like I'm the unrefined ore with such dullness that I make the gems beside me shine even more than they really are. I feel like I'm eternally compared to those beside me. I've had a history with inferiority complexes and low self-esteem and it's not easy to correct that. Something must've went terribly wrong when I was growing up which probably resulted in permanent damage.

I've never been selfish in love. Never. I'll swear my future on that. If I was selfish, it was never love. I would never be selfish to those who really matter. The 2 guys I had crushes on, I supported them fully and still do 'cause the bonds between us goes down way deep and I want them to be happy. Even if it hurts just a tiny little bit.

Honestly, I never asked for much in life. What is given to me, to a certain degree, it was expected to be given. But the things that I really want, I rarely ask for them 'cause I rarely want things. I'll even list down to you the things I really wanted in my life right here. I wanted a big sister and I was granted that. I wanted real friends and I'm still having trouble with that. I wanted love, I gave my heart to one single person but he never took me seriously. I wanted death, but I was denied. And I wanted people to look at me. From birth till now, I've only ever really wanted these 5 things.

I really don't think this is selfish. Not counting death.

Do you know what it's like to be there, but not good enough? Do you know what it's like to be in-between and yet not be able to do anything about it? My appearance, my character is not something I can change. I digress.

I don't feel loved. I know I'm loved by my friends but there's just something missing in my heart. Something not even friends could fill. And this time, not even friends can distract me from it 'cause I've been distracted long enough. Stupid ex-boyfriend just had to message me and then leave me alone for over a week and fuck up my whole system. Must've been a dare by his friends. "Go fuck up your ex-girlfriend." Yeah, how fun.



Is it because I'm not pretty enough? Is it because I'm too weird?

What. The. Bolldankiez.

I just realized that I forgot to attach my resume to 2 email applications last night.
I will never apply for a job via email at an ungodly hour of 2 am in the morning ever again.
Damn.

Headacheeee.

Je veux ton amour.

Wow, I just found an ad on GumTree that was looking for talents for future events.
The available talents were acting, promoting, security and emcee.
Naturally I chose emcee.
I just sent my application and I do hope they'll consider it seriously.
I really really really would like to do a job that lets me use what was given to me.
Wish me luck.

And here are the nail pictures I promised.
They're nothing much though.

Black and White

Red and Pink

The red is actually much darker in real life.
My nails remind me of cherries and strawberry ice cream now.

I've changed my nails 5 times already.
I didn't take pictures of the other 3 though.

I also found out that Rainbow nail polish stays on for about a week before it starts falling off and that's pretty cool 'cause then every week I can change my nails to a different design.
Next week, I shall do either Blue or Green gradient nails.

Dance.

You know, I have the oddest desire to complete learning the dance steps to the song Genie by SNSD by the Christmas party at Sheena's on Christmas Eve and then perform it at the party just for fun.

Manisha showed me a video of a classmate of hers dancing to this song and the song was so catchy and addictive that I just had to try this out. Plus, SNSD have really really really beautiful girls.



And this is my progress so far.

Day 1, 28th November 2009:
Started learning the dance steps to the first verse of the song. Quite successful, but still unable to get the hang of one particular step.

Day 2, 2nd December 2009:
Skipped to learning the chorus instead 'cause if I don't make it in time, I'll still be able to perform the chorus. Understood the hand movements and the leg movements but have problems putting them together at a faster tempo. Was doing fine till Delly suddenly told me on MSN that my Sexy Honey was at Hub waiting for me. Scared me and completely threw me off course.

And that's all I have for now.

I'm quite a slow learner, but in my defense, it's been ages since I last danced. 4 years to be exact. Anyone interested to learn with me? It's pretty fun.

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• Mood: Active

Manisha:
I'm really sorry I wasn't online when you needed someone to talk to.
I ain't much of a listener, don't give much good advice too.
But I'll be here if you need someone random to fool around with.
You know what babe, to hell with those assholes who put you down.
They're not worthy of your respect and trust.
Those losers aren't worth your time and energy.
Also, don't get mad, get even.
Always remember, you're much more than what people claim you are.
So very much more.
Gorgeously beautiful, talented, intellectual, tall, modelesque, amazing sense of humor and so much more.
I'll even swear on my future on that statement.
Forget those douches, remember the people that really care.
Love you babe. ❤

I just finished redoing my nails.
What was once black gradient to white [from tip], with white rhinestones, which was originally done for the canceled B&W Photoshoot, is now red gradient to pink [from tip], with green rhinestones.
At first they looked really bloody 'cause of the red, but with the green rhinestones, they've mellowed out a lot.
They look really pretty.

Pictures of the 2 different nails tomorrow.

I liek nailz.

I was just scared shitless.
Went to this person's friends for sale profile while hopping here and there and I clicked on the coin/token.

I hate you people so much. :(
I will never see tokens the same way ever again. :(